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Thursday, May 17, 2012

29 & 364 days old

So I am 29 & 364 days old, that means that I am currently experiencing what will be the last day of my 20's for the REST OF MY LIFE.

Phew, this is seriously momentous, I expected more drama, but living my geographically dislocated life means that a lot of the people that I would like to be there and witness this with me are actually off living their lives in various parts of the world. Except for Jason who I love and am glad is here with me.

What a ride the first 30 years of my life have been, I don't know if I should be thrilled or freaked about how old I will be in another 30 because if my life fits a similar quantity of stuff in it, in the next 30 as the first 30 then maybe life isn't as short as I worry it is. Plus I hear there IS life after 60 (it also doesn't seem as old as it once did).

So what do I have to show for myself, I am a parent, a wife, a usability specialist, a jack of all trades and finally feel like I am beginning to be 'me' as a seperate thing from all of those 'titles'.

A wise woman (my cousin Stefanie) talked to me about being in her 30's last weekend, and said that you get a bit more content with life in your 30's, and I think that was  great way to describe it. I feel more settled in myself, more sure of what I want, and more confident that I have what it takes and will be alright after all. So those are all great things, I can't speak for what I will post when I am 39 going 40, but turning 30 is a great thing for me.

So to hell with the fanfare, that can wait, as can anything that stresses me out, or makes me run too fast, or isn't what I want. It's my life dammit. I have less pride but more confidence. I have more style and less reverence, more forgiving, for others and myself, and take more joy. I know it's weird to feel more free and more me after having a baby,  (being a parent has been a revelation and I love it love it love it) but I have always swum against the grain in this life and I now know that I no longer have to apologize for it or force myself to fit in anywhere. Bring it on 30!

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