All is well... ?

So the mantra goes, all is well, all is well. Marriage is a tough nut to crack aint it? There are times when you feel as though everything is going to work out and you are happy and life is grand, and then there are times when you feel like why do I even try, it's hopeless. Right now I am on the knifes edge trying to figure out which side to fall down on, and which side is true.

I know those are extreme opposite ends of the spectrum but it is also kinda like weather in that way. Do you ever feel on a sunny day like all is right with the world, and then on a rainy one that you can't see very far past your current woes?

I guess the hard part is discerning which side of that coin is real, or if in fact, maybe, your marriage, and life is both, it is the WHOLE coin, it is ALL weather, even tsunami's, and 'kids jumping off a bridge into the river in the middle of dublin hot' all in one 24 hour period.

From the sounds of a metaphor sure, it's the coin right, all weather etc, the planet survives the weather, and the coin does not discriminate when tossed? Well... while metaphors are kinda great for explaining complex situations, they are also great at distorting reality and missing the oh so important granular stuff.

I don't know how I should feel and whether the weather is changing for the worse (global warming) and I should take drastic measures, like moving further inland, or if it's just one of those bad days, not as bad as it seems, just hunker down and wait it out.

Today is kind of a trial for me, obviously I lost the proverbial coin toss today, it's raining, can't  you tell from the tone? I wanted to write about it not to b*tch and moan, but rather to wonder aloud if this is something I can change, if I struggle against it, and do something major about it, does that just make things worse, should I just stand still while the glass is broken on the floor around me (in that metaphor obviously the answer is yes, but who will clean up the glass)? My biggest fear if I do this is that I will just stand still and still and still, until I have lost more time to a situation that isn't good.

I promise, to write a post on one of those sunny days in our marriage, so that I can temper this bad day with that good one, maybe all is not as bad as it seems, maybe I do take life too seriously. I can temper that too, if needed, if that is all that's wrong.

Onwards and upwards though, time to work the day away, and get home to my precious daughter, and maybe dip my toes in the water, to see what the temperature is.

OMG my first blog!

Wow so this is exciting stuff eh? hopefully only those who know me can find me here, (or those that don't but who have things in common with me) will find this vaguely interesting.

What inspired me to finally start one of these? Well its not as if I don't have reason. I have so far attempted to live in 5 different countries and so far am still not sure where I want to be, but of course along the way I have connected with people of all molds, and I don't think there is any other way to ramble on about my life and get heard by the people I want to actually listen to me :)

Plus although people who know me would probably snigger at me describing myself as 'direct' (verbally at least) I just needed a way to express myself, so many reasons, like cultural differences and expectations, its hard being a 'nomadic puzzle piece' (not that I am complaining really, things are more interesting this way) but I had an epiphany of sorts in the car on the way to work this morning, and that was that I am really a puzzle piece, (go with the metaphor here) that used to fit somewhere, but I have changed colors so much and shaved off pieces of myself and stuck other pieces on all in the name of fitting in with the current puzzle that now I could probably not fit with my original puzzle anymore. 

BUT the real epiphany (I already knew the before part quite well and had felt badly about it many times) was that the point of a puzzle piece is not just to 'fit' even though thats what we try to do with them, but its to represent and fill in part of a picture, to display itself and be complimentary to the puzzle that it is a part of. So that is the longwinding and rambling explanation for the name of my blog, I hope you could follow, if not its my writing not your reading so don't worry about it.

I do have a rambling style of writing, I have been much maligned for it in school and college/university and even today, in my career, I always have to consciously reign in my writing style, I think of too many things and tangents and possibilities at once that what i end up producing is little pieces of each path, which by itself is mostly nonsense. 

And thats another reason to write this blog in the vein of expressing myself to improve, by writing more, and to write in the words that I think in. The reason this is important to me is twofold (I warned you!) 1) i like to use big words sometimes and some people don't like it, and i always find myself trying to think of a smaller word. I don't want to have to do that here. AND 2nd I learned, IRISH English, NEW ZEALAND English and now AMERICAN English (replete with new spellings) which means I am forever thinking... what is the american word for this? This situation is both frustrating and humorous but that is info for another blog post, suffice it to say this is getting rather longish and I just wanted to explain why I write a blog in the first place. And now I have. Phew. (pardon the bad grammar, its for effect)

So thanks whoever you are for reading this :) and I guess lets see how diligent I really am with this sort of thing! Wish me luck!